Discovering a new plant, shrub, flower, tree or bird brings me inner delight and a soothing ‘ah’ feeling. Discovering stirs my soul bringing to life a part of me that lay hidden within obscured from me. To discover is to awake. I have come to discover the same ‘ah’ feeling for the life path I have walked not looking back but forward to a new dawn yet remembering my footsteps along the way and the memories that I carry.  I have discovered that walking with a lighthearted spirit, with joy in my heart, and with grace in my gait requires no effort if I embrace the ‘ah’ in life’s precious moments. Today, I hope to remain open to discovering  the unification it brings between my outer and inner worlds of the ‘ah’ moment.

Posted by: Anne

Wonderful weekend enjoying glorious days of summer. Peg, Natalie, Maureen and I went to the beach and stayed with Francie. On Saturday afternoon, we went to the beach at Gordon’s Pond. The water was just the right temperature although the waves could have been bigger. Natalie loves big waves although she did not always. When she was little she was afraid of the waves. I tried to get her to breathe into the wave by saying to herself, “in the ultimate I dwell.” In actuality she would yell the phrase with a mild panic, calling out “In the ultimate I dwell” to the delight of nearby swimmers and of course me. Seeing her so easily swim through the waves and enjoy a swim in the ocean, I felt the big wave of time rushing by for she is growing up.Then I felt an even bigger wave, a wave of grief for she is doing so (growing up) without her mom who would bring a spirited energy to any activity we did or conversation we had.  I am coming to know a different kind of grief besides my own. I am coming to know the grief of a child who has to find her way in her world that has totally changed.

Posted by: Anne

When I sit in my garden with the flowers, butterflies and birds, my heart journeys to a place deep within me.

There is a comfort in knowing my heart and its capacity to feel joy and sorrow almost simultaneously.

I feel the unimaginable grief of Jana’s sickness and death and I also feel the joy of her beautiful smile and zestful spirit. The I will carry Jana with me, deep inside my heart, and I will walk with grace and lightness of being for gratitude to have experienced such love.

It is a different place than her mom, Carolyn whose spirit lives in my tender heart with her beautiful smile and zestful spirit. Deep inside, I have learned that grief has many contours, rivers and streams formed by the relationship, of what was, what was hoped to be and what is.

Deep inside I simply feel the sheer depth and breadth of loss, a tsunami of the soul.

Deep inside me.

Posted by: Anne

Independence Day. Now more than ever our nation’s conscience is called to remember the fundamental principles upon which we formed our union. The values of democracy embedded in the Constitution were meant to be lived in our daily interactions and relationships with each other.

Equality, liberty, justice and the general welfare of the people are not abstract ideals or empty epitaphs for political speeches but a call to action of everyday people like us to express in our daily lives and in our interactions with one another.

On this day, let us embrace our freedom and that of our neighbors.

Posted by: Anne

Last night, Natalie and I went to a birthday party for a family friend whose daughter was celebrating turning 6 years of age.  Seeing moms and daughters made me think all the more profoundly of Natalie’s loss and wish what is, was not.

Posted by: Anne