Learning to feel my sorrow yet walk gracefully in the world. Some days are more challenging than others. Today, I want to sit and cry and if I permit magical thinking to prevail to have the miracles of what has come to be to not be.  Awareness of feelings and being true to those feelings, I believe, is the first grace- I live with awareness of my feelings of grief. This awareness has obscured my vision to see nature for I drape my grief on the flowers and trees, the vines and shrubs, the birds, sky and wind.

I don’t know why I think there are seven graces or really what the seven might be but I believe the second grace to be acceptance. I like the idea that there are seven graces or even more because I know for sure that grace is not one dimensional.

Posted by: Anne

The  rainfall today is welcome from the long rainless summer  although the thunderstorms, wind and downpour  reeked havoc this week causing extensive damage by uprooting trees that have fallen on houses.

This month I am reminded of the unpredictability and impermanence of life.

We went to the beach at the end of July and early August. Last year, Jana was with us. Even though she was feeling tired, sick in her stomach, and achy in her back, Jana, true to herself mustered the energy to go on a 20 mile bike ride with Mike, go to the beach and boardwalk, play games, go for walks, swim and do all the stuff that we do. This summer I could not help but think of her with every activity and try as I might I could not conceal the tears and internal rainfall in my heart that really feels like a waterfall on some days.

Today the weather reflects my heart and the grief I feel without her being here especially for Natalie, Mike, family and friends and selfishly for m.

Over the eight months that she lived with cancer we would watch Oprah each day and have great conversations about the guests, the topic, life and what we dreamed and how we lived. We sorted through quite a bit from the past but we could never reconcile the inevitability of her diagnosis.  Jana was so full of life, of energy, of positive attitude and I cannot understand nor comprehend why life was taken from her at such an early age. Like the unpredictability of a summer rainfall, I can only  work to accept the powerlessness that I feel but it is gut wrenching.

Posted by: Anne